RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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