Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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