I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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