Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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