I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize