dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
