Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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