When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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