capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
