This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
