I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
