shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize