Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
