This dress was meant to end up on your floor
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
