I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
