my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
