Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
