I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
