i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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