she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
