omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
