Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
