All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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