You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
