Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
