I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize