I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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