So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
