They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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