Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
