Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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