You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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