Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
