ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm having to shit out rocks
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
