Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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