well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
