why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize