it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
