I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
