I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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