Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
