I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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