Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
