got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize