mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
