You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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