Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
