Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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