next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
