Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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