My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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