hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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