i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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