I'm pants shitting drunk right now
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
