Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
