I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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