I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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