For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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