The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
