Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This is the high leading the old right now
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
