He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
