I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Little spoons don't ask big questions
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
