like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
