the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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