i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
