when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
