i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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