i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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